Gay Attitude
August 13, 2026Sex
August 13, 2026“Gay lifestyle” is a more problematic term than gay culture, because it can imply that gay people share one particular way of living—or that being gay is itself a lifestyle choice.
A better distinction is:
Gay identity = who someone is or how they identify.
Gay culture = shared histories, spaces, symbols, communities and cultural practices.
Lifestyle = how an individual chooses to organise and live their everyday life.
So there certainly are lifestyles associated with particular gay communities, but there is no single gay lifestyle. Gay people can be married or single, monogamous or non-monogamous, parents or child-free, religious or secular, politically active or uninterested, immersed in gay nightlife or never enter a gay bar.
Historically, however, distinctive ways of living did develop within gay communities. Gay bars and clubs became important meeting places because homosexuality was criminalised or socially condemned. Chosen families developed when biological families rejected gay relatives. Sexual liberation became politically significant because gay sexuality itself had been controlled and stigmatised. Pride, activism, fashion, music, drag, cruising cultures and particular neighbourhoods subsequently became associated with different parts of gay life.
There is another dimension that I think would be particularly interesting for a gay website: the difference between gay culture and the commercial image of the “gay lifestyle.”
Advertising and popular media have sometimes constructed a very narrow image: young, attractive, fashionable, sexually active, financially comfortable, gym-going, travelling, partying and living in a major city. That is not gay life; it is a marketable representation of gay life. It can exclude older gay people, working-class people, disabled people, people from minority ethnic backgrounds, people living outside large cities, and gay people who simply do not identify with that scene.
So if you wanted a website section called “Gay Lifestyle,” I wouldn't avoid the term—I would challenge it. Something like:
Gay Lifestyle: Is There Really Such a Thing?
Then explore relationships, sex and dating, nightlife, health and wellbeing, travel, ageing, friendship and chosen family, money, work, fashion, entertainment and everyday life—while repeatedly showing that there are many ways to live as a gay person rather than one prescribed gay lifestyle.
Two very separate things exist: 1. The tip of the iceberg – the ‘gay scene’ (10%). This is often the only thing people see as it is visible and promoted in the media. 2. Underneath the water though, 90% of the iceberg is unseen. This represents the larger portion of the LGBTQ community; people who are not as visible because they live ‘normal’ lives at work and with their partners or family in the suburbs.
On a side note, the incorrect use of the term ‘gay lifestyle’ has been a contributing factor to many Christian young person’s demise. For example, if I am a young gay man in a church and all I’ve ever heard about is the ‘gay lifestyle’…..then …if I feel I must be honest about my sexual orientation, I’ve been conditioned to think there is only one way to express that…..so what do I do…..head off the nearest ‘gay ghetto’ and live the ‘gay lifestyle’. The church’s lack of knowledge about our community has contributed to the self-destructive lifestyles and even HIV infection of some who have left or been rejected from their church communities.
When people use the term ‘gay lifestyle’ it only reflects their ignorance about the reality of the everyday lives of LGBTQ people. Those who actually have gay friends and family members know differently, however. Instead of standing afar and pointing fingers judgementally, they are actually an important part of our lives.
Robin Herms Diamaduros: We don’t hate LGBT (they do us however) but THAT LIFESTYLE IS A SIN!!!! No more or less than adultery or sex before marriage but IT IS A SIN & to not call it so is denying God’s word. I don’t know of anyone who would oppose a gay person coming to church, we would not say lifestyle is okay but we would still love them.
Sera Kobiti: …signs of the last days……living a lifestyle of gay and lesbian……you are already a walking dead, fueling the logs in hell where you will eventually end up…..because you already know the truth and the truth should have set you free, not add onto your problems!!
